Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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