how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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