Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
