Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Still dying that you shit outside
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
