Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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