I only kidnapped one of them. chill
4 words: hood of his car
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
