You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
