In the future we'll all be gay
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
