Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My first STD was from a foam party
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
