You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
