Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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