dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
