I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
