If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we're making bets on your personal life
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
