Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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