It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
