I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
