Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
