someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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