The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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