Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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