I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
