i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
