you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
