The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
