He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
