he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
