shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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