i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
