walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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