pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
