i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a search helicopter?!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
