WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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