oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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