I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
