I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
