At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it hurts more in the daytime
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
