you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
