Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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