oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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