I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
