Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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