I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
