I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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