Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
