Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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