I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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