i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
