WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Found your dick twin last night
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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