Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
